Week 14- "The IMPORTANCE of Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate"
The week was starting off in an illustrious sort of way, morning sickness was at still at bay and I was enjoying every minute of it! WIth certain aversions and my gnarly sense of smell, cooking was quickly booted from my life as an early pregnant lady. You know, as strange as it sounds, I was starting to miss cooking. I missed being in my kitchen. When I cook it is just the food and I; nothing else. I sing, I dance (when no one is looking) and I try to mimic the chopping techniques I saw on Iron Chef that week. So, when week 14 rolled around and I hadn't cooked a single thing in close to 100 days, I started to feel my kitchen call to me like that devilish jelly donut you know you shouldn't have.
So, I decided to let my inner Julia Childs see the light of day once again. I dusted off my spatula and gave the ol' kitchen a go. By they time I was done making dinner I felt like I had climbed Mt. Everest and it felt GOOD! What was on the menu? Fettucini Alfredo with a side salad (watch your back Mario Batali!). Okay, maybe that was a little bold, but Chef Boyarde best watch his ravioli packing' arse.
When dinner time rolled around the next day, I was not in the mood to cook; especially after a 3 hour comatose-like nap. So, I went through all the restaurants in my rolodex and found myself wanting mexican food! WTH!?! Since I was about 5 weeks pregnant Mexican food had been a "no-go" for me. WIthout hesitation I called my husband and told him to "get his engineering behind to Visalia as fast as he could because this pregnant woman wants some mexican food!". Once he walked though that door I knew he was by far the happiest man on the planet. Like me, he had been mexican food free for 100 days and I knew he was itching for some beans, jalapenos!
"Las Palmas, here WE COME!"
After completely annihilating a taco/burrito combo plate, my body felt like it was a great time to let out the loudest burp it could muster up! It was so loud the lady with the hearing aid turned around to catch a glimpse of the 16 year old boy who let out that belch…and instead she found little ol' me. I wasn't embarrassed by any means , I gave her a quick smile and walked out a satisfied customer.
Friday came in a hurry and it was doctor time, which meant it was time for us to hear our little ones heartbeat! I was so excited I could hardly contain myself! I pulled into the parking structure to be greeted by my love leaning against his car all GQ like with a glowing smile on his face. It looked like I wasn't the only one excited to hear our baby's heart. 30 minutes passed and we were ready to hear our baby's heartbeat. My doctor walked in with a little walkie-talkie looking thing said "let's hear this baby's heartbeat." Next thing you know I am on my back and she is squirting jelly on my belly (ha-ha I know that sounds funny). While she is moving what could only be the receiver around my belly, she starts to throw out words like placenta, uterus, baby, sleeping on side, and I think I heard her drop the word unicorn once or twice. After what felt like 30 minutes (in reality 30 seconds) I couldn't help but start to get nervous because I couldn't hear the heartbeat. I looked at my husband from the corner of my eye (thank you peripherals) and saw a slightly worried look on his face as well. Then voila! SHE FOUND IT! I looked at my doctor and asked "is that me or the baby?" with a gentle smile she looked at me and said "that is your little one". I couldn't help but want to cry…again!
She said that the heartbeat at this time in my pregnancy should range between 120-160 and ours was at 139, which meant he was right in the middle and that was healthy and strong enough for us! Not too high and not too low.
Friday ended well for us, Saturday and Sunday….not so much.
Saturday morning I woke up feeling great, I was ready to take on the day. So, I had a good breakfast followed by a couple of errands. Everything was going well until about 11:30 then I started to feel a little off. I brushed it off and continued on my way … it probably wasn't the best idea. Once we got home I felt completely drained, and not in a good way. I was warm then cold and my sleepiness was coming on super strong. I started to fall asleep on the couch and found myself feeling a little on the nauseous side. My super hero of a husband quickly jumped to my aid and googled all of my symptoms. We narrowed it down to Malaria and/or Typhoid Fever. Then when it dawned on us that Google probably wasn't the best way to diagnose a problem we decided to call the doctor.
As all of you mommas know when you call an on-call doctor, the phone call back doesn't necessarily happen within the next 15-30 minutes. An hour later I found myself in my bed hoping to feel better and wanting to throw up. I felt pretty protected in that comfy bed of mine, I had my husband with his hand on my belly (still googling from his phone) and my two four legged animals freakishly close to my stomach. Then BAM! I hear the hubcap yell as if finding the cure to Alzheimer's "YOU ARE DEHYDRATED!". I looked at him and rolled my eyes and said "okay Doogie Howser, MD let's see if water helps me feel better".
With the speed of a comic book character I found him by my side with an ice cold glass of water. I take a sip and find myself chugging the whole cup, after finishing the cup I started to think he might be on to something. Every hour on the hour he was giving me a new cup of water and forcing me to drink H2O like a fish!
About 3 hours later I found myself feeling better but still weak and waiting for a doctor, any doctor to call me. Roberto (my husband) was ready to go to the ER but, I will be damned if I pay 500 dollars to be told I am dehydrated and a little water and gatorade should do the trick. With hour 4 creeping up, my phone rings! I quickly pick up the phone and I hear a young voice say "hello, this is Dr. Weebley calling for Ashley" it was like sweet music to my ears. I quickly give him the run down from how I was feeling to my husband googling. He chuckled and asked how I was feeling at this very moment. I told him I had a slight case of dry mouth but, my energy was coming back and I was no longer battling a fluctuation of body temperatures. With a smooth even tone he said "you sound like you are doing great, the husband did well and as for the dry mouth you should be fine, unless you find yourself in the middle of the Arizona desert with no water I wouldn't be worried. Keep an eye on your symptoms and if they worsen go to the hospital and they can get you hooked up to IV's. Have a good night Ashley and rest."
After saying "thank you and goodbye" I hang up the phone and quickly start to chug glasses of water and bottles of G2; there was no way I was going to get an IV stuck in me just yet! HELL NO!
Week 15 - "The sickness in more than 1 way"
Uggh, I would read about pregnant woman being more susceptible to getting sick due to a lower immune system, but with the way I antibacterial myself on an hourly basis I thought I was above all that sickness mess. Boy was I wrong.
Waking up Tuesday morning I felt it, that little annoying tingle in your throat. You know, the one you try to pass on as allergies but, in the back of your mind you know damn well it is a cold coming to kick your arse! I start pumping Vitamin C and a couple of zinc pills to help out this cold, but nothing was helping and by Wednesday I found myself feeling a little bit worse. My husband, being the sweet man he is, stops by a local Pho hotspot and picked up some "magical soup". When he walked in I could smell the lime, basil, cilantro, broth and…chicken. NO!! I still can't eat chicken without wanting to throw up! I forced myself to put a couple of pieces of chicken in my soup, I did need the protein. While I sat there and slowly sipped my soup I see my husband make the biggest soup fumble of my life. It was like everything happened in slow motion. I saw the setup, the soup hand off and then came the fumble!!! Noodles, soup, jalapenos, and CHICKEN flew everywhere! It was terrible and boy did it smell terrible. I could instantly smell the chicken that was laying on the floor in a pool of sriracha soupy goodness and it was not looking good.
20 yard penalty to Berto and I go running to the bathroom. I am sure we all know how that ended.
I walk back into the living room with no appetite and still smelling the pho disaster. I look at my husband and give him a look filled with sharp daggers dipped in love.
He gives me that smile that usually melts my heart…Usually!
Thursday, my cough kicks in and it is as dry as the sahara! I go to Target to pick up some cough drops and maybe some pregnancy safe cold medicine. All I want is a little relief. Standing in front of the techni-color rainbow of cough drop bags I start to question which one is "safe". I grab a couple of bags that show no sign of menthol or alcohol and head to the pharmacist. I ask him to please tell me which one is safe for pregnancy. He hands me Ludens, WTF!? I want relief mister, not candy!!
I turn around to look at cold medicine and notice that I left my "pregnancy safe list" at home on the counter (perfect place for it). I grab Tylenol Cold and head back to the pharmacist. He smiles at me and looks down at the evil cold medicine, aka relief, in my hand. Next thing I know he is lecturing me about medication and my baby, bleeding placenta, lack of blood to my child in utero and something about centaurs.
Now that I am officially on medication info overload and I feeling like the most terrible mother in the world, I mope back to my relief aisle and put the evil medication back in its spot. I will now have to suffer through this cold like a big girl. DAMNIT!
Friday- WoAH WoAH WoAH! Slow your weird dream horses! I know I heard that dreams start to get a little crazy the further you get into your pregnancy, but this is just a little much too soon in the game. I had read some funny examples of other pregnant women dreams and I could see my imagination running it's course like it did this night. Get ready to laugh, cringe, and quite possibly cry! Everything starts out pretty normal for the most part. I fall asleep on the couch around 8 then find myself shuffling my pregnant self to bed around 10:30; so far so good. I brush my teeth, wash my face and am in bed snug as a bug in a rug. Then like an attack from JAWS (insert theme music HERE) it hits! The GNARLIEST yet most HILARIOUS dream I have ever had! EVER!
The Dream:
I find myself sitting in a room that is foreign to me. I know nothing about this room and the person who lives in this house. Then a door opens and the guy from Sister Wives walks in. You know that guy, right?!?! If not here is a photo of him:
(For all who know me, this is not the type of man I would um…date)
He walks towards me with this cheesy smile, some might have found it very suave. I, on the other hand, kind of wanted to vomit. Well, at least the wide awake, conscious me would have wanted to vomit. I can't speak for my dream self…at all!
I then find Mr. Sister Wives sitting next to me, touching my leg and the next thing that happens just blows my frigin' mind. I grab his hand and throw myself on him, like I were a 15 year old girl in heat, standing in front of Taylor Lautner (team Jacob). I totally started to make out with Sister Wives guy! I couldn't believe I was dreaming that. It was like a terrible car wreck happening over and over again. I couldn't stop kissing this man with obviously bleached-blond hair and a receding hairline! I am still not sure how my dream self found him sexy…still baffles me. Ladies this is where it gets gross. As if kissing and making out with blondie wasn't enough, I had to go and pinch his nipples.
I am still not sure what to think about that whole dream except, for that I may need therapy for something like that. I bolted out of that dream and started laughing hysterically! I couldn't believe it, shoot, I still can't believe I dreamt that!
I totally thought that my dreams couldn't get any more crazy and boy was I WRONG!
Saturday- Bring on the Humidifier and the burning coughing sensation in my chest. My husband forces me to call the doctor (he is becoming really good at doing this).
I place a call and wait for the call back. An hour later I get a call from the doctor within seconds of hearing my cough and voice he tells me to get a humidifier and prescribes me pregnancy safe medication.
Like a super hero (again) my husband runs to pick up my Rx and humidifier. Next thing I know, I'm laying there contemplating on whether or not I should take this medication. After that gnarly lecture from the pharmacist I was a little on the scared side. I decide to put the medicine on the shelf for the time being and see what this humidifier will offer me. By Saturday night I am feeling like cow dung and the humidifier well, it wasn't doing anything. I take a long slow walk to the kitchen and tell my husband I need the medication. He smiles at me and says "Okay honey, I will bring it to you." I stand right by the sink waiting for him, like a weak little girl I wait for my knight in shining armor to help me feel better; and there he is with my cough syrup in hand ready to take my pain away. After taking the medicine he walks me back to bed and scratched my back until I fell asleep.
Sunday- I wake up feeling better and that dry cough I had was now a sticky phlegmy mess! Gross! Steamy showers and lots of rest was on my agenda for the day. Nighttime rolled around and it was time to take my medicine again. Granted I was supposed to be taking it every 4 hours I just couldn't bring myself to take it. So, with the reassuring words from my husband I decided to take it before bed that night. Sunday would be the last night I take the medicine, being too afraid to risk anything happening to the baby I felt like it was the right decision.
Week 16- "Cha-cha-cha-CHANGES"
"Got up this morning didn't know right from wrong" -Sage Francis
After waking up and spotting what looked like an actual baby bump, I couldn't help but wonder if having this bump so early was right or wrong. It totally caught me off guard. I mean one day I looked bloated, like I was hitting the burgers and beers a little hard. Then, like night and day, I see an actual pooch. It was a different kind of pooch; it was a definite baby pooch.
I couldn't wait for my husband to come home and see it! It was actual proof that there was something growing in me and I wasn't possessed by a projectile vomiting, hormonal demon. When he walked through that door at 5:30, I turned to my side and asked him if he noticed anything. Before I could turn to face him, his hands were on my newly found baby bump; and the rubbing of the mini baby belly began.
Not only was I greeted by a new obvious physical change, but I was also greeted by a not-so obvious change.
Every night my baby daddy and I sit on the couch and watch a little boob tube, we talk about our day and he rubs my legs. Tonight was no different except…
tonight was the night I decided to find out how pregnancy changes the integrity of your bladder/vaginal wall strength.
During a funny episode of Modern Family, I found myself laughing so hard I kicked my phlegm cough into high gear. After a couple of small coughs I let out a big hearty one and that wasn't all I let out. I quickly bring my cough to a halt and look at my husband all bug eyed.
Next thing you know I am saying "oh no, not here, not yet!" I get up without looking back and high-tail it to the bathroom. Next thing I hear is "ARE YOU SERIOUS, ON THE COUCH BABE!?! OH MAN, THIS IS HILARIOUS!"
Yes, friends you guessed correctly. In mid hefty cough, I some how managed to push out a substantial amount of pee. I pissed myself on my friggin' couch!
(Don't worry potential guests…if any after reading this post, we washed the cushions)
With my head held high and gut splitting laughter filling the air I claimed that pee to be my own, and if I remember correctly I am sure a high-5 was exchanged!
After the "peeing on the couch" fiasco, I thought I would treat my husband to a little surprise. A surprise that doesn't contain bodily fluids.
The following day I decided to go and find out the sex of our baby!! I thought it would be so cute to surprise him with the sex of our little one.
By some luck, the imaging center called me in that day to run a gender check on my little baby. As I was on my way to the center I found myself getting super excited and super nervous. I kept on wondering if it would have a penis or a vagina. Every green light became a penis and every red light was a vagina. Instead of seeing men and women walk the streets of downtown Visalia I saw penis, vagina.
It became a little overwhelming. I checked in to the facility and waited patiently. I drank the last of my water and decided that I should eat a snack before going in. I asked the lady behind the desk if I could eat some trail mix and she said "of course, that chocolate should get that baby moving". I found myself pulling out the chocolate pieces first and slamming those as if it were a beer. Before I could finish the bag I heard them call my name. It was GO time.
I walked in and laid on the table without anyone telling me what to do. I was so excited and I could hardly wait to see what was going on inside me.
More jelly on the belly, and voila, my little baby popped up on a screen in front of me. I was all teary eyed and giggly. I just kept saying "hi baby" over and over again. Then I started to wonder what it was I was actually looking at. I mean it looked like a baby, but I couldn't see what kind of heat it was packing. My baby was so calm in there, just hanging out covering it's face and the goods. GRRR! Come on baby spread your legs, let momma see what's going on!! I told the techs that I had just ate some chocolate in hopes that they wouldn't get too frustrated at the lack of privates being seen. 2 minutes after I told them about the chocolate, my little one decided to get it's move on! This little one was on a move and it was becoming just as difficult to get a shot of the privates! I must admit I loved watching it swim around and throw out punches followed by a few kicks. BUT COME ON KID, DO MOMMA THIS ONE FAVOR!
Like a falcon that had spotted it's prey, my tech yelled "freeze it, freeze it!", the assistant tech hit a button and there it was (well after she pointed it out to me, there it was). "IT'S A BOY!" the tech yelled. With a huge smile I yelled "IT HAS A PENIS!". I pretty much banked on the whole first floor hearing me yell that one out. I couldn't believe it, we were having a boy! I totally thought we were having a girl. We had all these people telling us we were having a girl. "HA! In yo face, my baby has a penis! "
After a couple of photos were printed, I got up and walked out with a new found feeling in my heart. There is a precious little boy growing inside me. What could be better than that?
I hustled to the mall to purchase a card and few baby items for my husbands big surprise. I purchased a pair of black baby converse to match my husbands and 3 guayaberas in different sizes. Hoping that my husband would get the idea, I quickly wrap everything and put the photos of our little boy in the card and…wait.
When he walked through the door I told him to sit down and open his gift and to leave the card for LAST! He looked at the shoes and loved them, he then looked at each shirt and loved them too…he wasn't getting it. Finally, he opens the card. He read it and I am pretty sure he read it one more time for good measure. He turns to me and yells "WE ARE HAVING A BOY!?! IT'S A BOY!?! THERE IS A BOY IN THERE?! HOLY SH*T WE ARE HAVING A BOY!!!! YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Um, I think he was excited!!
We are having a baby boy!!!
