Welcome to the wonderful world of my first Trimester! Yes that's right, I decided to blog about my first trimester! Will I regret being brutally honest in this blog post? Probably not! Why, you ask. Well to be quite honest, I am going to lay the first trimester blues, moments of joy and moments that will quite possibly send future mommies to be running for the hills! Something I wish I could have read before I found out I was pregnant…something to prepare this naive mind of mine! Ah yes, how fitting as I started to type this Mariah Carey's "Fantasy" circa 1995 just came on and well I couldn't help but just smile remembering my younger years when morning sickness, incredible bouts of gas (both kinds) and constant lethargy were no where in sight! Song over, SNAP OUT OF IT back to the real world Ashley!
Please friends, family, and random blog readers who were brought to this particular blog due to a google search about "crazy moody pregnant wife+morning sickness: should it be projectile exorcist like" I don't want you to think that I am not elated to being having a child, quite the contrary! I would just like to share the down and out nitty-gritty, the real deal, the whole first trimester enchilada if you will. So, fasten your seat belts, make sure your children are occupied for the next 5 minutes or however long it will take you to read this blog…HERE WE GO!
April 2011
*Ding, Ding* (SVU sound clip)
I can remember every detail about the day I found we were pregnant. I remember the weather, the smell in the house, the smell from the house down the street and around the corner (thank you pregnancy hormones), and my exact reaction(s) to finding out I am growing another being inside me!
After peeing on 7 pregnancy tests (yes, I said 7) I was still on that bridge that crossed the river denial. I figured that I needed to stop peeing on those sticks with the blue lines because they were all wrong, they were all false positives! So I quickly grabbed the keys to my batmobile and hightailed it to the nearest CVS. As I got out of the car and walked through the freakishly empty parking lot, I quickly found myself at the sliding doors… open, close; pregnant, not pregnant; open, close. I found the walk to the "Family Planning" aisle to be quite long and the pharmacy itself started to twist, bend and spin…picture it like having a few too many drinks. As I approached the family planning aisle, I found myself looking left, then right; like a nervous prepubescent boy getting ready to reach for his first nudie magazine. My eyes quickly locked in on the box that I needed, the one that would spell it out to me clear as crystal: PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT. Yet, even though my brain told my arm to tell my hand to reach for the box, I just couldn't do it. So what do I do next?! Yes, that's right, I go look at new shades of nail polish; of course!!! After looking at what seemed to be over 100 shades of Grey, I decided to look at the sales that were taking place that week. After a good 45 minutes of orbiting the store like one of Saturn's moons, I decided to just put on my big girl panties and grab the effin' box…and a water.
I walked up to the aisle, looked at that box right in the face and grabbed it! "YES!! VICTORY IS MINE! HA!!!!! Wait, I still have to pay for this thing."
Okay, Okay I know what you might be thinking and no, I was not going to steal it!! I was merely anxious for my wait at the check out line. You know, that long silence between you and the clerk, the exchange of shifty eye contact, and hoping to whatever god you believe in that the clerk doesn't bring up anything about your purchase.
As all those thoughts are running through my head, I realize that I am next in line! Oh CRAP!! Quickly I look down and run through my check list: pregnancy test: CHECK, water: CHECK, debit card: CHECK, CVS card: DOUBLE CHECK! "Lets do this!!!!" It was at that moment that I was ready to make this transaction happen faster than the speed of light.
What I still consider to this day to be my fastest check-out ever, I found myself in my car speeding down Caldwell, and in my bathroom peeing on a stick before I could say banana pancakes. After the last droplet of pee left my body and crashed onto the magic stick, I turned the box over to read any and all instructions. After reading the accordion-shaped manual (which took no more than 30 seconds) I look down at the stick to see that the cute, nerve racking hourglass that was blinking had STOPPED. I had now read into my future, it was at that very moment I saw the word PREGNANT appear on the screen.
"Holy %@#&, Sh*t, Mother %@$&! Are you serious!?! Really!?! SERIOUSLY!?"
Yes that beautiful sentence that could make a sailor blush came out of my mouth! As I sat down on the toilet holding the magic stick in my hand, I couldn't help but notice that my hand slowly started to move to my stomach and stop right over my belly. I looked down at my stomach and knew that I had just checked myself onto the craziest rollercoaster ride ever! Next thing you know I was hearing the "click, click, click" right before the big drop, I didn't know if I should throw my hands up or reach for a paper bag! With no bag in sight, I reach for my cell phone and photograph the magic stick and quickly leave the bathroom. With in minutes I am texting my husband with the news. Some wives would have waited to tell their loved one when they got home, and do something cute to tell them. Yeah. Not this chick! I was straight to the point "Congrats Daddy to Be" HA! Hey guys out there, imagine getting a text like that at 10 AM! Now that should wake your ass up!
5:30 rolls around and the husband is finally home! We make a couple of calls to a local bakery and get on our merry way; we are about tell the world that we are pregnant!!!
After our stops have been made and we are home in our bed still joyful from our news, we found ourselves discussing peoples reactions (besides our own). Most were great and filled with mad-crazy love, and some…well, we could have lived without. We decided to focus on the good ones and let the "other" ones just take a backseat in this fabulous ride of ours.
Now some of you pregnant ladies out there may or may not have felt any of the anxious moments I just described but, for me…this is was all she wrote for my first week of pregnancy bliss. Trust me when I say that the "bliss" doesn't last long.
LOL! I had that feeling of being in the pharmacy and not wanting to pick up the box. But then I did & added it to the million of other things in my cart I was buying at Target. Going to the check-out and receiving a totally judgmental look from the clerk. Going home, peeing, totally thankful it was negative & that I wasn't having a baby with my ex!
ReplyDeleteI am totally happy for you and Roberto! Good luck with the roller coaster!!!