Week 18- "Was that what I think it was?"

The one thing that I must say is I was not prepared for was feeling my little guy move.  Granted since the moment I found out I was pregnant I kept on fast forwarding to that one moment when I would feel the baby move inside me.  That one thought alone can bring a woman the biggest smile on earth, from ear to ear ; I on the other hand… I envisioned something that resembled a scene from Spaceballs or even Alien.  Yes, when I thought of my baby moving around inside me I thought of a chestburster. 

Don't judge me, I am just a product of too many odd sci-fi movies as a child and a very active imagination.  I think I have told this to my husband time and time again, while the whole process of creating another life inside me is truly amazing and beautiful; it still has a tendency to be rather sci-fi to me.  Something is GROWING INSIDE ME, FEEDING OFF OF ME.  Yeah. Enough said.

So! When this little guy wanted to make his presences known you can all pretty much imagine how I reacted! Well, let me kinda of walk you thought that beautiful non-sci-fi moment in my life.

The middle of week 18 was upon me, I was feeling great  and slowly getting my energy back.  I still had my afternoon naps that would start at 2 PM sharp, so at 1:54 I made my way to the couch and was preparing for the ultimate nap!  While I laid there in silence taking in the afternoon heat and reading my book that rested perfectly on my little bump (bump talk later), suddenly, there is a jolt to my book!  "WTF WAS THAT!" was all that I yelled.  I looked around the house to make sure nobody saw my slight freak out, once I realized I was still alone, I told myself to calm down and to just wait for another jolt… 

The countdown for the next tummy jolt started "1 mississippi, 2 mississippi, 3 mississippi, 4 mississi… oh my gosh, oh my gosh there it goes again!!"  

This time there was punch or a kick so strong from within my belly, I couldn't help but grow a smile from yup, you guessed it ear to ear!!  My little man was letting me know he was there and he was growing inside me!

It was at this moment a bond so strong was formed, I knew that from this week forward I would be feeling him move and that I no longer had to wait for another Dr. appointment to hear his heartbeat or see his cute little body on the monitor to know he was still there.  He was going to let me know each and every day that he is still there, hanging out baking away until December!

Week 17 - "You are having a boy!! You are naming him WHAT!?!"

Week 17- " You're having a boy & you are naming him what?!!"

As most parents to be know advice and opinions are thrown at you like a rough game of dodge ball!  Some of the hits aren't too bad and don't sting for too long but, then you get the ones that sting like a mother and leave welts the size of Russia on your body!

Well, a rough week long game of dodge ball is what my husband and I played with family and friends for the long 7 days in our week 17 of pregnancy.  Before my baby daddy and I even remotely thought about trying to conceive  we would find ourselves talking about what we would name our future child.  Since we knew we were going to only have one child we knew we only had to pick two names. The names would have to be ones that we loved and fit our family best.  After hours of daydreaming of our future child we came to a nice strong list of names that WE loved.  We wrote them down and put that piece of paper in a nice little box, only to be pulled out again when we were faced with the question of what to name our child.  

After our exciting news in week 16 we decided to pull out the ol' list and give it a once over.  We knew we had a couple of boys names we had to chose from but, once we opened up that piece of paper and took a look at the names; just one seemed to jump out at the both of us.  We knew in our heart of hearts that this was the name we were to give our son.  With love in our hearts we both called to my belly at the same time "Han Solo"*.   We knew that the name was not traditional in the sense that everyone has heard it and knows how to say it but, we figured that all people in our lives would be accepting of the name and would just think "well, that's typical Roberto and Ashley for you".  

So, when we were finally asked "do you have a name?" we didn't hesitate to tell them.  We were (and still are) proud of the name and we wanted to share his name with family and friends.  BAD IDEA!  BAD, BAD, BAD!  Holy cow, if I would have known how much sh*t we were going to get for his name, I would have kept my mouth shut until the day he was born! I know that people are going to give out unsolicited advice once they find out your are preggers but, nothing prepared me for the unyielding amount of flack we received in regards to our decision.  

For example:

1."You are naming him what?"

2. "How can you do that to your child?"

3. "You have no idea what you are doing to your child."

4. "Your child will get picked on."

5. "Your child will have no friends."

6. "Your child's teacher will never be able to say his name."

7.  "You HAVE TO THINK ABOUT YOUR CHILD!"

8.  "Swear to GOD you are naming him that."

9.  "You are not!?!  Really!?!"

I am sure I have forgotten a few comments but, all for the best I am sure of it.  Here were my responses that played over and over again in my head:

1.  Repeat after me, HAN-SO-LO

2.  Um, do what exactly?  Give him a strong, kick ass name like Han Solo?

3.  Okay, you tell me what I am doing to my child?  Last I checked I was giving him a name.

4.  ALL CHILDREN GET PICKED ON GENIUS!  KIDS ARE JUST MEAN!

5.  Good thing our son will not be born with your pessimistic attitude.

6.  My child's teacher will learn to say it!

7.  I am thinking about my child jerk!  Friendly reminder to this person, you named your child with a equally difficult name to pronounce!  Same amount of letters too!

8. If you want to get all "put it on your momma", fine I will!  I thought people left that in high school.

9.  Yes, yes I am Thank-you-very-much!  When YOU give birth to YOUR next child, I promise I will let YOU name him or her whatever YOU want.  PROMISE!

Okay, I know that some of my thoughts may have been a little harsh but, come on people please keep other peoples feelings in mind when you are spouting off pregnancy related advise.  I do know that the people in our lives were not saying all these things to hurt us but, there came a time when our spirit was a little worn down by all the negativity that came at us.  

So parents to be and future parents to be, my unsolicited advice to each and every one of you is to keep your mouths sealed when it comes to sharing the name you have picked for your little bundle of joy.  For all those mommas out there, your child the light of your life is coming out of your vagina, you are the one going through the vaginal marathon so, if people want to have a say in what you name your child…you can tell them to go get pregnant and then it will be at that point they can name their child whatever they want!

Week 17 was a rough week and dodge ball is not our sport.  Here is looking at Week 18!

*The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Kind of Random Like my Thoughts!

My brain seems to be all over the place these days...here is a pretty decent example of what pops into my head on any given day since 12 weeks pregnant.

IS 2 PAC REALLY DEAD?

PANCAKES WITH EXTRA SYRUP! 

WHAT WOULD ELVIS DO?

ROCKY ROAD ICE CREAM

FOOD!!!

FOOD

Why are Ramona's eyes (from Real Housewives) so big?

STRING CHEESE!

IB HOAGIES & CHEESESTEAKS

TEAM JACOB OR TEAM EDWARD?!?!

(DO YOUNG GIRLS & SOME GROWN WOMEN REALLY LOOSE SLEEP OVER THIS QUESTION?)

CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON OR BEETLEJUICE?

(THIS QUESTION KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT!)

HMM.....

AND BECAUSE FOOD IS ALWAYS ON MY MIND...

Weeks 14-16

Week 14- "The IMPORTANCE of Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate"

The week was starting off in an illustrious sort of way, morning sickness was at still at bay and I was enjoying every minute of it!  WIth certain aversions and my gnarly sense of smell, cooking was quickly booted from my life as an early pregnant lady.  You know, as strange as it sounds, I was starting to miss cooking.  I missed being in my kitchen.  When I cook it is just the food and I; nothing else.  I sing, I dance (when no one is looking) and I try to mimic the chopping techniques I saw on Iron Chef that week.  So, when week 14 rolled around and I hadn't cooked a single thing in close to 100 days, I started to feel my kitchen call to me like that devilish jelly donut you know you shouldn't have.

So, I decided to let my inner Julia Childs see the light of day once again.  I dusted off my spatula and gave the ol' kitchen a go.  By they time I was done making dinner I felt like I had climbed Mt. Everest and it felt GOOD!  What was on the menu? Fettucini Alfredo with a side salad (watch your back Mario Batali!).  Okay, maybe that was a little bold, but Chef Boyarde best watch his ravioli packing' arse.

When dinner time rolled around the next day, I was not in the mood to cook; especially after a 3 hour comatose-like nap.  So, I went through all the restaurants in my rolodex and found myself wanting mexican food!  WTH!?!  Since I was about 5 weeks pregnant Mexican food had been a "no-go" for me.  WIthout hesitation I called my husband and told him to "get his engineering behind to Visalia as fast as he could because this pregnant woman wants some mexican food!".  Once he walked though that door I knew he was by far the happiest man on the planet.  Like me, he had been mexican food free for 100 days and I knew he was itching for some beans, jalapenos!  

"Las Palmas, here WE COME!"

After completely annihilating a taco/burrito combo plate, my body felt like it was a great time to let out the loudest burp it could muster up!  It was so loud the lady with the hearing aid turned around to catch a glimpse of the 16 year old boy who let out that belch…and instead she found little ol' me.  I wasn't embarrassed by any means , I gave her a quick smile and walked out a satisfied customer.

Friday came in a hurry and it was doctor time, which meant it was time for us to hear our little ones heartbeat!  I was so excited I could hardly contain myself!  I pulled into the parking structure to be greeted by my love leaning against his car all GQ like with a glowing smile on his face.  It looked like I wasn't the only one excited to hear our baby's heart.  30 minutes passed and we were ready to hear our baby's heartbeat.  My doctor walked in with a little walkie-talkie looking thing said "let's hear this baby's heartbeat."  Next thing you know I am on my back and she is squirting jelly on my belly (ha-ha I know that sounds funny).  While she is moving what could only be the receiver around my belly, she starts to throw out words like placenta, uterus, baby, sleeping on side, and I think I heard her drop the word unicorn once or twice.  After what felt like 30 minutes (in reality 30 seconds) I couldn't help but start to get nervous because I couldn't hear the heartbeat.  I looked at my husband from the corner of my eye (thank you peripherals) and saw a slightly worried look on his face as well.  Then voila!  SHE FOUND IT!  I looked at my doctor and asked "is that me or the baby?" with a gentle smile she looked at me and said "that is your little one".  I couldn't help but want to cry…again!  

She said that the heartbeat at this time in my pregnancy should range between 120-160 and ours was at 139, which meant he was right in the middle and that was healthy and strong enough for us!  Not too high and not too low.  

Friday ended well for us, Saturday and Sunday….not so much.

Saturday morning I woke up feeling great, I was ready to take on the day.  So, I had a good breakfast followed by a couple of errands.  Everything was going well until about 11:30 then I started to feel a little off.  I brushed it off and continued on my way … it probably wasn't the best idea.  Once we got home I felt completely drained, and not in a good way.  I was warm then cold and my sleepiness was coming on super strong.  I started to fall asleep on the couch and found myself feeling a little on the nauseous side.  My super hero of a husband quickly jumped to my aid and googled all of my symptoms.  We narrowed it down to Malaria and/or Typhoid Fever.  Then when it dawned on us that Google probably wasn't the best way to diagnose a problem we decided to call the doctor. 

As all of you mommas know when you call an on-call doctor, the phone call back doesn't necessarily happen within the next 15-30 minutes.  An hour later I found myself in my bed hoping to feel better and wanting to throw up.  I felt pretty protected in that comfy bed of mine, I had my husband with his hand on my belly (still googling from his phone) and my two four legged animals freakishly close to my stomach.  Then BAM!  I hear the hubcap yell as if finding the cure to Alzheimer's "YOU ARE DEHYDRATED!".  I looked at him and rolled my eyes and said "okay Doogie Howser, MD let's see if water helps me feel better".  

With the speed of a comic book character I found him by my side with an ice cold glass of water.  I take a sip and find myself chugging the whole cup, after finishing the cup I started to think he might be on to something.  Every hour on the hour he was giving me a new cup of water and forcing me to drink H2O like a fish!  

About 3 hours later I found myself feeling better but still weak and waiting for a doctor, any doctor to call me.  Roberto (my husband) was ready to go to the ER but, I will be damned if I pay 500 dollars to be told I am dehydrated and a little water and gatorade should do the trick.  With hour 4 creeping up, my phone rings!  I quickly pick up the phone and I hear a young voice say "hello, this is Dr. Weebley calling for Ashley"  it was like sweet music to my ears.  I quickly give him the run down from how I was feeling to my husband googling.  He chuckled and asked how I was feeling at this very moment.  I told him I had a slight case of dry mouth but, my energy was coming back and I was no longer battling a fluctuation of body temperatures.  With a smooth even tone he said "you sound like you are doing great, the husband did well and as for the dry mouth you should be fine, unless you find yourself in the middle of the Arizona desert with no water I wouldn't be worried.  Keep an eye on your symptoms and if they worsen go to the hospital and they can get you hooked up to IV's.  Have a good night Ashley and rest."  

After saying "thank you and goodbye" I hang up the phone and quickly start to chug glasses of water and bottles of G2; there was no way I was going to get an IV stuck in me just yet!  HELL NO!

Week 15 - "The sickness in more than 1 way"

Uggh, I would read about pregnant woman being more susceptible to getting sick due to a lower immune system, but with the way I antibacterial myself on an hourly basis I thought I was above all that sickness mess.  Boy was I wrong.

Waking up Tuesday morning I felt it, that little annoying tingle in your throat.  You know, the one you try to pass on as allergies but, in the back of your mind you know damn well it is a cold coming to kick your arse!  I start pumping Vitamin C and a couple of zinc pills to help out this cold, but nothing was helping and by Wednesday I found myself feeling a little bit worse.  My husband, being the sweet man he is, stops by a local Pho hotspot and picked up some "magical soup".  When he walked in I could smell the lime, basil, cilantro, broth and…chicken.  NO!!  I still can't eat chicken without wanting to throw up!  I forced myself to put a couple of pieces of chicken in my soup, I did need the protein.  While I sat there and slowly sipped my soup I see my husband make the biggest soup fumble of my life.  It was like everything happened in slow motion.  I saw the setup, the soup hand off and then came the fumble!!!  Noodles, soup, jalapenos, and CHICKEN flew everywhere!  It was terrible and boy did it smell terrible.  I could instantly smell the chicken that was laying on the floor in a pool of sriracha soupy goodness and it was not looking good.  

20 yard penalty to Berto and I go running to the bathroom.  I am sure we all know how that ended.  

I walk back into the living room with no appetite and still smelling the pho disaster.  I look at my husband and give him a look filled with sharp daggers dipped in love.

He gives me that smile that usually melts my heart…Usually!  

Thursday, my cough kicks in and it is as dry as the sahara!  I go to Target to pick up some cough drops and maybe some pregnancy safe cold medicine.  All I want is a little relief.  Standing in front of the techni-color rainbow of cough drop bags I start to question which one is "safe".  I grab a couple of bags that show no sign of menthol or alcohol and head to the pharmacist.  I ask him to please tell me which one is safe for pregnancy.  He hands me Ludens, WTF!?  I want relief mister, not candy!!

I turn around to look at cold medicine and notice that I left my "pregnancy safe list" at home on the counter (perfect place for it).  I grab Tylenol Cold and head back to the pharmacist.  He smiles at me and looks down at the evil cold medicine, aka relief, in my hand.  Next thing I know he is lecturing me about medication and my baby, bleeding placenta, lack of blood to my child in utero and something about centaurs.  

Now that I am officially on medication info overload and I feeling like the most terrible mother in the world, I mope back to my relief aisle and put the evil medication back in its spot.  I will now have to suffer through this cold like a big girl. DAMNIT!

Friday- WoAH WoAH WoAH!  Slow your weird dream horses!  I know I heard that dreams start to get a little crazy the further you get into your pregnancy, but this is just a little much too soon in the game.  I had read some funny examples of other pregnant women dreams and I could see my imagination running it's course like it did this night.  Get ready to laugh, cringe, and quite possibly cry!  Everything starts out pretty normal for the most part.  I fall asleep on the couch around 8 then find myself shuffling my pregnant self to bed around 10:30; so far so good.  I brush my teeth, wash my face and am in bed snug as a bug in a rug.  Then like an attack from JAWS (insert theme music HERE) it hits!  The GNARLIEST yet most HILARIOUS dream I have ever had!  EVER!  

The Dream:

I find myself sitting in a room that is foreign to me.  I know nothing about this room and the person who lives in this house.  Then a door opens and the guy from Sister Wives walks in.  You know that guy, right?!?!  If not here is a photo of him:

(For all who know me, this is not the type of man I would um…date)

He walks towards me with this cheesy smile, some might have found it very suave.  I, on the other hand, kind of wanted to vomit.  Well, at least the wide awake, conscious me would have wanted to vomit.  I can't speak for my dream self…at all!  

I then find Mr. Sister Wives sitting next to me, touching my leg and the next thing that happens just blows my frigin' mind.  I grab his hand and throw myself on him, like I were a 15 year old girl in heat, standing in front of Taylor Lautner (team Jacob).  I totally started to make out with Sister Wives guy!  I couldn't believe I was dreaming that.  It was like a terrible car wreck happening over and over again.  I couldn't stop kissing this man with obviously bleached-blond hair and a receding hairline!  I am still not sure how my dream self found him sexy…still baffles me.  Ladies this is where it gets gross.  As if kissing and making out with blondie wasn't enough, I had to go and pinch his nipples.  

I am still not sure what to think about that whole dream except, for that I may need therapy for something like that.  I bolted out of that dream and started laughing hysterically!  I couldn't believe it, shoot, I still can't believe I dreamt that!  

I totally thought that my dreams couldn't get any more crazy and boy was I WRONG!

Saturday- Bring on the Humidifier and the burning coughing sensation in my chest.  My husband forces me to call the doctor (he is becoming really good at doing this).  

I place a call and wait for the call back.  An hour later I get a call from the doctor within seconds of  hearing my cough and voice he tells me to get a humidifier and prescribes me pregnancy safe medication.  

Like a super hero (again) my husband runs to pick up my Rx and humidifier.  Next thing I know, I'm laying there contemplating on whether or not I should take this medication.  After that gnarly lecture from the pharmacist I was a little on the scared side.  I decide to put the medicine on the shelf for the time being and see what this humidifier will offer me.  By Saturday night I am feeling like cow dung and the humidifier well, it wasn't doing anything.  I take a long slow walk to the kitchen and tell my husband I need the medication.  He smiles at me and says "Okay honey, I will bring it to you."  I stand right by the sink waiting for him, like a weak little girl I wait for my knight in shining armor to help me feel better; and there he is with my cough syrup in hand ready to take my pain away.  After taking the medicine he walks me back to bed and scratched my back until I fell asleep. 

Sunday- I wake up feeling better and that dry cough I had was now a sticky phlegmy mess!  Gross!  Steamy showers and lots of rest was on my agenda for the day.  Nighttime rolled around and it was time to take my medicine again.  Granted I was supposed to be taking it every 4 hours I just couldn't bring myself to take it.  So, with the reassuring words from my husband I decided to take it before bed that night.  Sunday would be the last night I take the medicine, being too afraid to risk anything happening to the baby I felt like it was the right decision. 

Week 16- "Cha-cha-cha-CHANGES"

"Got up this morning didn't know right from wrong" -Sage Francis 

After waking up and spotting what looked like an actual baby bump, I couldn't help but wonder if having this bump so early was right or wrong.  It totally caught me off guard.  I mean one day I looked bloated, like I was hitting the burgers and beers a little hard.  Then, like night and day, I see an actual pooch.  It was a different kind of pooch; it was a definite baby pooch. 

I couldn't wait for my husband to come home and see it!  It was actual proof that there was something growing in me and I wasn't possessed by a projectile vomiting, hormonal demon.  When he walked through that door at 5:30, I turned to my side and asked him if he noticed anything.  Before I could turn to face him, his hands were on my newly found baby bump; and the rubbing of the mini baby belly began.

Not only was I greeted by a new obvious physical change, but I was also greeted by a not-so obvious change. 

Every night my baby daddy and I sit on the couch and watch a little boob tube, we talk about our day and he rubs my legs.  Tonight was no different except… 

tonight was the night I decided to find out how pregnancy changes the integrity of your bladder/vaginal wall strength.  

During a funny episode of Modern Family, I found myself laughing so hard I kicked my phlegm cough into high gear.  After a couple of small coughs I let out a big hearty one and that wasn't all I let out.  I quickly bring my cough to a halt and look at my husband all bug eyed.  

Next thing you know I am saying "oh no, not here, not yet!"  I get up without looking back and high-tail it to the bathroom.  Next thing I hear is "ARE YOU SERIOUS, ON THE COUCH BABE!?! OH MAN, THIS IS HILARIOUS!"

Yes, friends you guessed correctly.  In mid hefty cough, I some how managed to push out a substantial amount of pee.  I pissed myself on my friggin' couch!  

(Don't worry potential guests…if any after reading this post, we washed the cushions)

With my head held high and gut splitting laughter filling the air I claimed that pee to be my own, and if I remember correctly I am sure a high-5 was exchanged!

After the "peeing on the couch" fiasco, I thought I would treat my husband to a little surprise.  A surprise that doesn't contain bodily fluids.

The following day I decided to go and find out the sex of our baby!!  I thought it would be so cute to surprise him with the sex of our little one.  

By some luck, the imaging center called me in that day to run a gender check on my little baby.  As I was on my way to the center I found myself getting super excited and super nervous.  I kept on wondering if it would have a penis or a vagina.  Every green light became a penis and every red light was a vagina.  Instead of seeing men and women walk the streets of downtown Visalia I saw penis, vagina.  

It became a little overwhelming.  I checked in to the facility and waited patiently.  I drank the last of my water and decided that I should eat a snack before going in.  I asked the lady behind the desk if I could eat some trail mix and she said "of course, that chocolate should get that baby moving".  I found myself pulling out the chocolate pieces first and slamming those as if it were a beer.  Before I could finish the bag I heard them call my name.  It was GO time.  

I walked in and laid on the table without anyone telling me what to do.  I was so excited and I could hardly wait to see what was going on inside me.  

More jelly on the belly, and voila, my little baby popped up on a screen in front of me.  I was all teary eyed and giggly.  I just kept saying "hi baby" over and over again.  Then I started to wonder what it was I was actually looking at.  I mean it looked like a baby, but I couldn't see what kind of heat it was packing.  My baby was so calm in there, just hanging out covering it's face and the goods.  GRRR!  Come on baby spread your legs, let momma see what's going on!!  I told the techs that I had just ate some chocolate in hopes that they wouldn't get too frustrated at the lack of privates being seen.  2 minutes after I told them about the chocolate, my little one decided to get it's move on!  This little one was on a move and it was becoming just as difficult to get a shot of the privates!  I must admit I loved watching it swim around and throw out punches followed by a few kicks.  BUT COME ON KID, DO MOMMA THIS ONE FAVOR!  

Like a falcon that had spotted it's prey, my tech yelled "freeze it, freeze it!", the assistant tech hit a button and there it was (well after she pointed it out to me, there it was).  "IT'S A BOY!" the tech yelled.  With a huge smile I yelled "IT HAS A PENIS!".  I pretty much banked on the whole first floor hearing me yell that one out.  I couldn't believe it, we were having a boy!  I totally thought we were having a girl.  We had all these people telling us we were having a girl. "HA!  In yo face, my baby has a penis! "

After a couple of photos were printed, I got up and walked out with a new found feeling in my heart.  There is a precious little boy growing inside me.  What could be better than that?

I hustled to the mall to purchase a card and few baby items for my husbands big surprise.  I purchased a pair of black baby converse to match my husbands and 3 guayaberas in different sizes.  Hoping that my husband would get the idea, I quickly wrap everything and put the photos of our little boy in the card and…wait.

When he walked through the door I told him to sit down and open his gift and to leave the card for LAST!  He looked at the shoes and loved them, he then looked at each shirt and loved them too…he wasn't getting it.  Finally, he opens the card.  He read it and I am pretty sure he read it one more time for good measure.  He turns to me and yells "WE ARE HAVING A BOY!?! IT'S A BOY!?!  THERE IS A BOY IN THERE?!  HOLY SH*T WE ARE HAVING A BOY!!!!  YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Um, I think he was excited!! 

We are having a baby boy!!!

Weeks 11-13

Weeks 11-13

"Week 11-There might just be a silver-lining yet"

Waking up in week 11 was going pretty well and all seemed right with my AM battle with morning sickness.  My husband was pulled from cereal delivery and I was hopping out of bed with a slight spring in my step.  I decided that after my morning toast and yogurt breakfast, that I would go through my closet and find all my clothes that still "fit" me; and by fit me I mean my shirts still covered my boobs without stretching or pulling.  My jeans could still button or be fastened together with a nice rubber band and my bras could still be worn for more than 2 hours without feeling like they were cutting off circulation to my newly engorged breasts.  After the first couple of shirts I started to see a trend, they would fit around my belly but were on the verge of a massive split when the tatas came into the picture.  No matter how tight my pants seemed to get I was still determined to put off shopping for maternity clothes until it was an absolute necessity.  

After finding 2 shirts and maybe a couple of pairs of pants I figured it would be best for me to just stick with dresses.  As you can tell I live in the land of denial quite often, it's my thing, don't judge me. :)

The next thing I know it is lunch time and for the first time in what seemed like an eternity my stomach decides that it's time to make itself heard.  I was caught off guard by my sudden urge for food; actual food!  After weeks of eating toast and a couple of oranges for lunch, my stomach finally said "ENOUGH is ENOUGH, feed me Ashley!" .  I suddenly felt like Rick Moranis in "Little Shop of Horrors", I needed to find something savory and delicious to eat and FAST!  I quickly ran to the fridge and scanned each shelf franticly, I was so afraid to lose this feeling my stomach was giving me.  It had been weeks since I had wanted anything with actual flavor and texture; so, I was not about to pass up this moment!  Still in my pajamas, I quickly run to the bathroom to throw my hair up in a nasty looking bun, grab my glasses and head to the car.  I was gonna get me some LUNCH!  I decided to drive down Mooney Blvd. and just let my nose point me in the right direction.  As I closed in on Mooney I rolled the window down and found myself driving down Mooney with my head out the window!  I quickly thought to myself that this must be how my dog feels when he is in the car with me.  I took in the sunshine and the wind in my face.  Again, I realized just how long it had been since I had taken my car for a drive and really just enjoyed what was around me.  Being totally caught up in the moment of morning sickness freedom, I failed to notice that my stomach was growling at me fiercely and telling me to "pull over woman, I want to eat some In and Out!"  The smell of In and Out was intoxicating to me, you would think it was the first time I had ever smelled a hamburger joint.  I decided to make a quick U turn and get my hungry pregnant self in the drive thru line.  With excitement and a dash of fear I ordered my first burger in 77 days.  

I was at the pick up window and my heart was racing.  As she came closer with my lemonade, I started to feel the saliva in my mouth building with each step.  I take the lemonade with a giant smile and  I answered "YES!" before she could finish "will you be eating this in the car".  Next thing you know my arms are embracing a basket of fresh fries and a juicy hamburger with my name written all over it.  I hit the gas not wanting to waste any precious time and pull into the closest parking spot I could find (which now that I think of it, wasn't a parking spot at all).  I turn off my car and quickly beg my stomach to not only like what I am about to feed it but, to keep it down.  

With the opening song from 2001 A Space Odyssey playing in my head I slowly take a bite from my In and Out burger with no onions.  Chewing ever so slowly, I wash it down with a giant gulp of lemonade and wait.  I waited for 10 minutes and decided I would wait just 2 more, just in case.  As most pregnant women know vomiting from food aversions can show up at any time.  One minute had passed, I just had to wait 60 more seconds… 

'ah, screw it!'  I was ready to eat and I couldn't wait any longer.  60 seconds had come and gone and not only did I take another bite but, I also finished my entire burger!  I could have quite possibly set a world record for fastest In and Out burger ever consumed.  

I clear my hands of all the greasy goodness and decided it was time to go home, I didn't want to take advantage of this moment; I didn't know if and when I was going to get another one.  Having a smile from ear to ear I walk into my house and take my place on the couch waiting for something to go wrong.  Next thing I know, I am waking up from a 3 hour coma-like nap feeling refreshed and kind of hungry.  I felt like it was too good to be true, with the fear of my evening meeting with the porcelain god; I reached for an always welcome orange and banana.  

Week 11 was filled with the same food aversions but, baby steps to keeping more food down and keeping this growing baby inside of me a whole heck of a lot more satisfied.  

Thank you week 11 you have been great!

"Week 12- I think I need to go shopping"

After daily complaints to my husband about my clothing not fitting me any longer and feeling like an over stuffed chorizo, he finally tells me to bite the maternity clothes bullet and go shopping.  Waaaaahahaha, I hate shopping!!  

Still thinking I could fit into my bathing suit I go to my dresser and grab old faithful!  If I could fit into her I could still fit into my clothes for another week.  As the laws of pregnancy have it, the rapid bloating and ever growing pouch had a mind of it's own and I had to just suck it up and go…shopping.  The next morning came faster than any other morning and I knew what awaited me that day.  So, with just a little bit of hesitance I got up and took my time going about my daily routine.  I even called my husband and told him to meet me for lunch!  I figured a nice long drive to Exeter would cut into my day nicely.  While at lunch we discussed his day and the start of my morning, on our way back to the car he looks at me and says " you are going shopping today aren't you?"  I roll my eyes and just accept the fact that this shopping thing was bound to happen today.  

On my drive back home I was thinking about just how annoying it must be for him to hear day after day "I am getting fat, why I am so bloated, I feel ugly, I look huge, I feel huge, why am I so bloated, can you tell I am pregnant or do I just look like I have been hitting the burgers and beers…"  

I even started to annoy myself with these questions and statements, I had to stop the madness, I had to stop it for him and his sanity.  

I felt so small standing in front of Motherhood Maternity, I started to feel like I couldn't breath.  Forcing myself through the double doors, I was greeted by an up-beat sweet woman behind the counter.  I am pretty sure she saw my anxiety from a mile away and bless her heart for coming up and assisting me with all types of maternity clothing questions and concerns.  I let her know that a bathing suit was priority on my list, being pregnant in the summer time without a suit that fit was not an option for me.  We walk over to the selection of suits and I go straight for a nice black…two piece?!  OH HELL NO!  I put that bad boy back and grabbed a tankini thing.  I walk into the dressing room and  close the curtain behind me, I turn to the mirror not only to see myself in early pregnant form but, I also see this big, black pillow with a strap around it.  Completely confused I ask out loud "what the heck is this strapped pillow thing?" .  I hear a couple of footsteps in my direction and then the curtain opens, "Oh that thing?  That is a pregnancy bump, it helps you get an idea as to what you will look like in our clothing the further you get into your pregnancy.  It's not an exact size of what you will be but, close"  She then smiles at me and exits my dressing room.  I slowly reach for the bump and decided to make the best out of my visit at Motherhood Maternity, I mean this thing just yells "good time"!  

Like putting on a bra, I strap that baby on and adjust the bump; then put on the top to my bathing suit.  Laughing hysterically, I grab my phone and decided to document this moment for my husband.  He would appreciate a multi-media message text like this and this is the closest I would ever get to sexting.  After striking a couple of my sexiest poses.  I pick the winner and I accept that fact that I am not the definition of sexy! Bwahahaah!

Lets just say that a good time was had by all in Motherhood Maternity, including myself and I have the photo to prove it!  

Sexy eh?!  I am totally bringing sexy back, in a major pregnant way!

"Week 13- What was that sound?"

Week 13 was the start of my gas orchestra!  When they say that you get gassy they mean it; and there is not a Gas X or Tums out there that can help you or your loved ones!  After eating a simple meal of lettuce and fruits I decided to lay in bed and read a couple of pages of a random baby book.  Next thing I know my dog Mr. Big and my cat George are cuddled up right next to me.  With all that love around me I found it hard not to doze off and sleep (yet again).

What seemed like 30 seconds later, I was shaken out of bed by my dog struggling to get out from underneath the covers and a strange noise that I no longer heard.  I look around and wonder to myself what the heck was that noise… my dog finds his way out from the covers but, before he jumps off the bed he turns and stares right at me.  I could have swore I saw a small dose of fear and confusion in his eyes and without warning he jumped off the bed and sat next to my husband who was standing in the doorway of our bedroom.  Smiling with a grin that could out do even the Joker, my husband asks me "did that sound come out of you?!"  With a sudden rush of embarrassment I feel my cheeks become flush.  Totally embarrassed I put two and two together.  The sound that not only frightened my dog and woke me from my sleep was the same sound that usually leaves most peoples backsides while in the restroom!  Yes ladies and gentlemen I farted myself awake, my dog into shock, and my husband into complete rolling on the floor, side splitting laughter!  

I really thought that a sound with that much fervor would never, could never exit my little body but it did!  Week 13 passed with me farting with enough force to launch a rocket-ship and burping loud enough to sound like a frat boy after a keg stand!  Not a day has passed since week 13 were I have not passed some type of gas.  I am sure I am contributing to the terrible pollution rate Visalia is currently known for, watch out LA!

Weeks 5-10

Weeks 5-10

It was amazing how fast time just flew right past me.  Within days I was already in my 5th week of pregnancy, and boy were things slowly starting to change.

Of course I was still in my glowing 'pregnancy is so awesome and easy' state of mind (ignorance is bliss)!  I didn't think anything could change that. HA!  

About 3 days into my 5th week I started to think about things, and I mean really think about them.  I found myself sleepless at times and looking at my husband sleeping peacefully; wondering if he was feeling same way.  Each day someone new would ask me "aren't you just so excited about your pregnancy..isn't this great?"  Of course my automatic response was "Of course we are… this is so exciting…we are so looking forward to this journey…".  Granted I was too afraid and ashamed to tell anyone the truth of the matter; and that matter was that I was brutally frightened of the future.  the thoughts that were racing around my head started to consume every fiber of my being to the point of, sometimes, no return.  I knew that I needed to share these thoughts of fear with someone but, it just wasn't time for me to do that.  Not yet.  

"Hello 6 weeks, how you doin'!? "

What better way to kick of my 6th week of pregnancy than with a wedding!  I was so excited to cover this event, it was a small and intimate wedding; just the type I needed to get my busiest season up and running.  Everything was still going great (pregnancy-wise), OB appointment had been made and I found a prenatal supplement that wasn't making me nauseous.  What did I have to fear?  My couples' awesome wedding day was here and I needed to pack my body with major nourishment for the 13 hour day that awaited me.  What better place to go get that protein/carb filled breakfast than Santa Clara's very own IHOP.  I was starving and I was ready to eat.  My order was simple:  scrambled eggs, bacon, and a pair of pancakes.  Yum.  When I saw our order making it's way to our table I quickly took my fork out and prepared myself for a massive chow down session.  Everything was smelling good, the pancakes were hot and steamy, the hash browns looked extra carby, and my eggs were scrambled to perfection.  

My fork cuts into the eggs, then B-lines it over to the hash browns; "3,2,1- Houston we have lift off"!

Everything was tasting good, and it was time for a swig of coffee to wash down the first bite.  As the cup comes closer to my mouth, the last of the egg/hash brown combo makes it's way down my throat.  I notice a strange feeling starting to brew in my stomach.  

"Uh-OH,  you have got to be effin' kidding me, this can't be happening to me."

It had started.  I looked down at my hands, then at the plate of food that looked so good to me about 5 minutes ago, and  it now looked like a hot steamy plate of rotted eggs with a side of moldy taters.  "Oh no, not this, not here."  My eyes finished circling my plate and locked with my husbands.  The look of terror that was on his face was quite funny to think about now, but at that time, I must admit it scared me.  I simply told him in a calm voice "If I get up in a few minutes no need to worry or follow me, I will be back and I will be okay."  He understood immediately, it was  as if we had our own special code for "honey, I feel like Im going to vomit all over this table and your lap so, to avoid that I must leave for the bathroom, please and thank you".

I had no interest for food from that moment on; nothing could get me to take another bite of what was laying on my plate.  NOTHING!

The wedding was a success and all the sudden nausea went out the door.  I was back on "this pregnancy thing ain't got nothing on me" status.  

"Damn week 7, what are you doing?!"

Upon finding out I was pregnant I decided to put my handy little Android to good use and download a pregnancy app.  Each week I get a cute little update on what is going on inside me and around this time it decided to tell me that my little zygote was now a fetus.  I seriously didn't know how to take that little piece of information.  So, I put my phone down and decided to go for a walk with my dog.  On that walk I thought about a lot of random things like why my neighbor has enough wood to keep our whole block warm during the ice age, and why he has 3 boats and 4 trucks of which he never moves.  Thoughts like that used to keep my mind busy all day but, today all those fears that started to rear their ugly little head in week 5, somehow made their way back.  I seemed to find myself becoming great at being able to compartmentalize during this time.  Naturally I found something else to think about/do.  At this very moment  I decided to take a little walk down memory lane and pass by my old apartment on Sallee.  With a big smile on my face, I look down at my dog and ask him "wanna go to the old place?"; as if he knew where that was.  He was just happy to be out on a freaking' walk at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.  We turned the corner and stopped at the front gate of the old place and strangely enough, I started to feel my mind just let go…  I thought about the time that I had there, the good and the bad.  I thought about all the time that had passed and how lucky I am to be where I am at now.  I then thought about my husband and how amazing he has been and continues to be to me!  In 2006 our relationship started as friendship; and it was a great one.  He was the one person I could talk to and I knew that he wasn't passing judgement on me and the feelings I was having.  Every time I would talk to him about my problems or just about random crazy ideas I had, I found myself feeling better about everything around me.  He brought clarity in a time of confusion, he listened when no one else would, he cared when I thought nobody did.  He was my best friend.  Then it hit me, like a cast iron skillet to the back of my head.  "Damnit Ashley, just talk to your husband about your effin' feelings.  Suck it up woman and let it out! Sh*t!"

With a new frame of mind I turned around walked right back to our home and anxiously waited for 5:30 to roll around and boy did it!  I laid on my bed anxiously waiting to hear my husband walking up the front porch blaring his Petros and Money from his handy android.  It felt like I was holding my breath for hours.  Stomp, stomp; click, click; door opens. I hear my husband make his way down the hall putting down all his work crap with each step.  I then look towards the door and see his smiling face; that face that calms me in the midst of any storm.  Except this time…it wasn't working and nothing could prepare him for the verbal diarrhea that was about to be laid on him this fine evening.  

Of course in some normal marriage/relationship one would ask about each others day and yadda-yadda-yadda.  For all who know me, if I have something on my mind I just put it out there, forget all that formal 'how was your day crap' I have real sh*t to talk about right now!

I was like a child with ADHD I was all over the place, I couldn't contain each thought and take my time to explain each one.  

Do you know how my body is changing?

I feel sick every evening

I can't eat anything

I feel like I want to vomit

What is going to happen to me, to us?

I am going to have no more "me" time!

OMG, I so effin' selfish!

All our personal time is gone!

My career is over!

What is going to happen with me and my business?

What is going to happen when I don't know what the baby wants?

Do you know how expensive it is to have a child?

Have you seen all the things people buy for their kids…

What if I can't do it?

What if I fail?

What if I totally f_ _ _ this kid up!?! 

What if our child hates me?

What if I repeat all the things I swore I wouldn't?

What if the world really does end on May 21st?  (Just kidding- I had to throw that in, it was getting too serious even for me)

Everything was stacking up like a good game of Jenga and all it took was just one move to make it all fall.   After all was said and done, then came the silence.  A silence that could bring a slight chill to your bones.  A nice long stare was shared and finally he spoke, "honey, do you want this?".  Then it happened , my Jenga tower fell.  What was I expecting, a hug and a giant kiss on the face!?!  Of course I didn't blame him for asking me that, if I were in his shoes I would have probably asked that same question.  I mean I did just drop a huge bomb on his baby joy parade!  

My response came out of my mouth faster then my daily battle with morning sickness "honey, of course I want this.  I love this little being inside me and I will always love it.  I am just scared…scared sh*tless."  He saw the look in my eye and knew that fear of what was to come was consuming me and he at that point took my hand and reassured me that it will be great and that I will be great.  Yes, things will change but, it is not a change for the worst.  He also reminded me that we are already an old couple and our clubbing days shouldn't be affected (granted it has been almost 2 years since we "clubbed" it up).

Falling asleep that night with my heart at ease and my fear brought down from a 10 to a 5, was a perfect way to end week 7.  Bring it on week 8, bring it on.

"Week 8-9, you can suck it!"

Week 8 was the tipping point for this morning sickness business.  Ughh, each morning my husband greeted me with a bowl of cereal to try and ward off the morning sickness I had fought the night before.  Each day seemed like a never ending battle.  

Remember that first time you went to a bar at 21 years old and decided you were going to drink everything under the sun because a) you legally could & b) people were shoving free drinks in your face; how could you tell them no.

Of course you remember that day but, the real question is do remember that sickening hangover you had the day after and maybe the day after that?  I know you do, we all do.  Well, my daily battles with morning sickness were just like the day after you turned 21!  Except this lasted EVERY SINGLE DAY, ALL DAY!  Granted I was better in the morning then I was at night but, the end result was the same every day:  Me in bed by 5:00 PM, in the bathroom dry heaving, sitting on the bathroom floor waiting for it to come, or just cursing the world around me while dry heaving/spitting up!  

Week 9 was no different; nothing changed and I started to feel helpless.  I started to become frustrated with myself, becoming angry with the fact that I couldn't just suck it up and walk it off like a big girl.  I felt alone… yeah, yeah I know I said my husband was great and he is but, SERIOUSLY  he isn't growing another human being inside him, he isn't feeling like shizz all day long, and he hasn't built a freakish bond with the porcelain god like I had.  He couldn't even begin to wrap his precious head around the changes and brutal beating my body was taking.  Granted, he tried really hard to understand it but, it just wasn't the same.  Every night he heard me moaning, heard me asking for a popsicle, heard me crying.  Even with all that he heard he was there to rub my back, hand me my popsicle with a smile and a "I love you, thank you for taking such good care of our baby".  As he walked out I couldn't help but roll my eyes and think of all the things I'd rather be doing at that very moment in time.  

As time moved on I started to become desperate for something, anything to help take this craptastic feeling away from me.  So, I took out my trusty smartphone and googled 'meditation+morning sickness'.  I have to admit there wasn't a ton of sites offering valuable information but, there was one that gave me a technique that helped ease the morning sickness pain and made me look like a crazy woman who rocks back and forth on her bed. 

I went through the "how to" list and decided that it couldn't make anything worse, right?

So, I decided to try out this meditation thing while the husband was out getting more popsicles. 

My husband had no idea he was going to be sent to the grocery store for more popsicles but, with one swift call he was off.

Perfect!  I can do this and not feel self conscious with the moves and sounds that I was about to make.

I slowly get up and turn off the lights in the bedroom, I then start arranging the pillows on my bed to form a cocoon-like thing and take a seat right in the middle.  Sitting with my feet pressing up one another I take the "om" posture and start my morning sickness mantra; which went a little something like this.

1) take a deep breath in and start to rock back and forth (without farting)

2) slowly let my breath out through my mouth while making a humming noise

Easy enough, right?  Yeah, super easy I just looked like a fool doing it and my humming turned more into a loud moan with each urge to up-chuck all over the place.  Finally after 20 minutes I find some peace in this rhythmic motion…I am actually feeling less sick.  So completely lost in my mediation moment I miss the front door opening and I seem to not hear my husband walking down the hall towards the bedroom.  With one swift flick, I hear the light switch and my little morning sickness meditative warrior-self opens my eyes to see my husband standing in the door way holding a popsicle with a bewildered look on his face.  It actually looked like he was contemplating turning the light off and slowly walking out of the room…like he didn't see a thing.  Again, being the most awesome person he is he walks over hands me the popsicle kisses my forehead and says "whatever helps you honey".  As he walks away, I assume the position with popsicle in hand and begin my meditative moment all over again.  I kept on repeating "whatever helps" over and over again in my head.  Trust me when I say that, that night it helped!

Week 9 ended with me assuming my meditation position and repeating "week 9, you can suck it"!

"Week 10, you my best friend kinda…"

Still feeling angry about my morning sickness dilemma in week 10 I decided to enter my first Dr. appointment with a little less dislike for this pregnancy and a little more love.  Good thing I did!  Right when I walked in to my OB's office I couldn't help but notice all the pregnant women around me.  Funny how when you become pregnant you just notice pregnant women, it's like there is a magnet between all of us pregnant ladies and we were all orbiting one another.  Anywho, I walked in and felt my heart skip a little beat.  "Today is the day that my husband and I are going to see our little bean for the first time, holy crap!".  My husband could spot my anxiety from a mile a way, he quickly grabbed my hand and kissed my cheek.  It was at that moment I felt like everything was right in the world again.  In no time I heard the door open and a nurse say "Ashley".  I looked at my hubcap and said to myself "it's game time".  The nurse walks us to a room, tells me get naked (well, not in those words) and to wait for the Dr.  

I do as she says and I take a seat on the table.  Being the fidgety person that I am I couldn't help but pull out the side stir-ups.  Ladies you know what those are, guys…if you don't know ask your lady friends I am sure they would be more than happy to give you a play by play.  

So, while I was messing around with the foot pads on these bad boys I looked up to see my Dr walking through the door.  I quickly dropped my hands and placed them under my thighs, I was like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.  Damnit!

I pretty much assumed that my doctor encounters crap like that all time.  It seemed to me like she didn't skip a beat.  The first thing out of her mouth was "Yeah, we are having a baby!  Hi honey, I am your doctor let's get you checked out and let's see if we can see this baby!".

Man, she was great and was exactly what I needed.  I totally needed someone who was going to remind me that this pregnancy is a super exciting time…aside from all the morning sickness.  

She covered everything and anything, she took in all my questions and concerns, she even broke down each trimester down to the weeks!  I was officially in love with my doctor and I think my husband was crushin' on her as well.  Once everyone had shared their feelings around the magic carpet, it was time to see our bean.

Okay fellas this may get a little graphic or it may just turn you on…I will let you deal with your feelings as you see fit.

My doctor walked over to a machine with a stick attached to it and rolled it over in my direction.  I couldn't help but ask myself "is she going to probe me with that thing", and as if she were in my head she looked at me and said "okay, we are going to check out what's going on inside you with this little guy".  The smile on my face slowly faded and I heard my husband kind of chuckle.  Next thing I knew she was lubing up this magic wand, rolling a condom on it and lubing it up again!  "WTH!?!?!  What on creators green earth is she going to do with that thing!?  Yup, she is probing me.  Oh good lawd!"

I felt my husband grab my hand and I looked over at my doctors reassuring smile as she said "now take a deep breath".  Next thing I knew I was squeezing my eyes shut and I heard a gasp from my husband, and the doctor said "there is your baby".  I heard her say baby so I quickly eliminated twins from our future and I slowly turned to the screen to see my precious baby looking right at me…well, kind of.  A single tear fell onto my cheek then another and another and another.  I couldn't stop these blasted tears from falling! What was going on!?  I soon found myself talking to the screen as if the little baby/alien looking bean thing inside me could understand me.  I couldn't believe what I was looking at, I couldn't believe that I was growing that inside me!  Gees, I am pretty freakin' amazing!  Super hero like!  Before our first visit came to an end my doctor told us "oh look, your baby is going to move right now"  no more than 2 seconds later our little bean moved, it did a little jig and continued to jig it up in utero!  I would even take it as far to say that our little bean was getting' jiggy wit it!  After a few pictures, the screen went black and the probe was out of me.  When my doctor left the room I couldn't help but stare at the images she had printed for us.  It was real to me, finally I was in love with it.  Once clothed, I looked at the smile on my husbands face and knew he shared that same undying love for the amazing being inside me.

Week 10, you ended on a good note my friend.   Here's looking at week 11.